|Season 1, Episode 8|
|Airdate:||October 31, 2014|
Are Space Suits Itchy?
The Empty Man Cometh
|There’s a box that’s... well it says here that Box 953 is... “Reserved for Douglas Eiffel. Do not open under any circumstances.” Umm... what?|
|– Doug Eiffel|
"Box 953" is the eighth episode of the podcast. It was released on 31 October 2014.
Synopsis[edit | edit source]
In accordance with protocol and the need to maintain crew morale, Minkowski insists on holding another of her infamous talent shows. Both Eiffel and Hilbert come up with schemes to weasel their way out of having to participate, but neither of their plans goes quite as expected. The resulting day is more dangerous, more mysterious, and more musical than either one of them could have ever expected. Plus, eye-less Russian dolls, biochemistry, unnamed megafauna specimen 58, classics of 19th century opera, and homemade ice cream.
Plot Summary[edit | edit source]
Eiffel is trying to avoid the quarterly talent show by hiding in the station store room. Minkowski is insistent upon the whole crew's attendance, but Eiffel and Hilbert are both reluctant. Hilbert plans to dose Minkowski with a sedative, while Eiffel hides in one of the most remote parts of the station, a store room filled with numbered crates.
Eiffel begins to investigate the crates, and discovers that they contain a number of strange and inexplicable artifacts. Reading the manifest, he discovers that Box 953 is labelled only "Reserved for Douglas Eiffel. Do not open under any circumstances." Hilbert calls to report that drugging the commander has put her in a "euphoric state" and she is now planning to put on a production of Pirates of Penzance. However, Eiffel is too distracted by his name on the box to help.
Eiffel searches the room to try to uncover Box 953's contents. Hilbert reports that Minkowski is forcing him to make ice cream, and has become violent under the influence of the drug. Eiffel asks for Hera's help giving information about the crate, although she is busy rehearsing for her part as Isabel in the play. Hera discovers that the file has too high a security clearance, but she locates the crate at the back of the room. It is enormous, visibly different to the other crates, and is softly humming. Eiffel announces his intent to open the box, but there is a loud noise and the log is cut off.
It is revealed that Minkowski came looking for Eiffel, and discovered the cannon from one of the other boxes. In her drugged state, she fired the cannon and caused a hull breach, blasting all of the crates out of the station and into the star. The crew managed to rescue Minkowski, but the contents of Box 953 remain unknown.